Wanna hear something that really freaked me out on various levels?
I was at a friend’s dinner party, drinking wine and immaturely making mini cheese sandwiches out of the fancy baguette and cheese plate, when a friend of mine walked in and I noticed that she was, well, a LOT bigger than the last time I saw her. You know… mainly in just the stomach area.
Now, I’ve learned from being witness to many an awkward “How far along are you?” “I’m not pregnant, thanks.” exchanges to just shut my mouth and not say anything. But the mystery was solved for me when another friend said, “Look what happened to Amy since you last saw her! A baby!”
And here’s what freaked me out…
My first thought was not my usual, “Ew, there’s a human being growing in her innards.” It was:
“WTF? I follow her on Facebook and she hasn’t made an announcement yet!”
I ended up feeling totally confused because she was clearly MONTHS AND MONTHS into her pregnancy, and there’s been no “We’re having a baby!” There’s been no photos of freaky ultrasounds (the disturbing 3D kind or otherwise). There’s been none of all the obnoxious facebooking while pregnant that seems to happen EVERY TIME someone gets knocked up.
And then I was actually mad at myself for being confused/concerned about that.
Holy shit, has our society gotten this Facebook-obsessed when I feel like I SHOULD HAVE been told about someone’s pregnancy via social media!? That’s total bullshit!
Even though I never wanted kids, I would still think things like “if I was pregnant I’d…” And one of those was “If I was pregnant I’d NOT post about it on Facebook.” Yup, I had already decided that when I got imaginary pregnant that I wouldn’t announce it on Facebook, or AT ALL until I posted something like “Look I know I said I wouldn’t, but I totally had a baby this weekend, it was pretty crazy. Pics later when it doesn’t look so fugly.”
And here is a friend of mine doing the exact thing I already decided to imaginarily do, and it totally threw me for a loop! Human beings are so weird.
Why not announce your pregnancy on Facebook?
The thought behind both of our decisions was that, if we know people well enough, they’ll find out naturally, like people used to do. If you don’t know a person well enough to either see or talk to them AT ALL for nine whole months, then there’s really no reason why you would need to know about that person being pregnant. You’ll find out at some point, there’s no urgency, you’re clearly not that close.
Once I got over the shock of her not only NOT facebooking her pregnancy, but also OMG! being the first one in our close circle of friends to take the step into motherhood, I made sure to tell her that I have mucho respect for her keeping her private baby times off of Facebook.
But is it even possible to NOT be Facebooking your pregnancy?
It’s been several years since my friend shocked me by being stealthy on Facebook, and I don’t even know if one could pull that off now. EVERYONE is on Facebook, including my grandma, and if they find out IRL, then they’ll probably be doing annoying shit like leaving pregnancy-related comments on my wall.
So is it even possible to go into stealth mode? I’m sadly starting to realize it is not. And it is going to be Really Big News to most — seeing as how I’ve been proudly childfree.
If you’ve been Facebooking your pregnancy, chime in and let me know if you have any advice. And if you’ve managed to keep it quiet… FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD HOW???