From child-free to freaking out

First trimester breast pain, aka “My boobs are going to explode”

May 17, 2018

First trimester breast pain, aka “My boobs are going to explode”

2 Comments

Even before I found out I was pregnant my boobs started aching. It felt like the normal “I’m going to get my period” boob pain. And then I found out it was more like “I’m going to have a baby” boob pain. And, at four weeks pregnant, my boob pain is at peak “Over-inflated Boob Pool Floats.”

From the aching and the swelling to the stretch marks and nipple tenderness… They call it “first trimester breast pain” but I call it “OMG HELP, my freaking boobs are going to explode!”

It’s absolutely driving me nuts.

Walking hurts. I have to wear two bras to get any relief.

Moving my arms hurts. In fact, I accidentally punched myself in the boob while brushing my teeth last night. I have NO idea how I accomplished that, but there ya go.

Sleeping hurts. With almost every movement, I cry out in pain as my tits get either brushed, moved, or (god forbit) squashed. So I started wearing a freaking sports bra to bed! I highly recommend this Out From Under Markie Seamless Ribbed Bra from Urban Outfitters. (2 for $25!)

And don’t even THINK about touching my nipples. Putting on and taking off bras and shirts is like diffusing two very swollen bombs at the same time.

Does this ever go away?

Much like all pregnancy research on the internet, I find that the answer is both “yes, absolutely! Rejoice in the sweet relief that awaits” and “No. This is forever. You live in hell now. Have your new bras mailed directly to your home in Hell.”

Okay, so not all my posts are going to be interesting and naval-gaze-y and exploratory about what it means to have a kid. Sometimes I just bitch about my tits.

You guys feel me?


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