From child-free to freaking out

Holy shit I’m pregnant!!!!

May 15, 2018

Holy shit I’m pregnant!!!!

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While I was at a cafe, writing that last post, I started looking up early pregnancy symptoms. And when I started to add them all up (exhaustion + breast tenderness + nipple changes + frequent urination) I had a feeling I was truly pregnant.

I know I said I was going to wait until a day to take a pregnancy test. But… I couldn’t! So I took a pregnancy test the moment we got back home, and three minutes later:

I’m pregnant.

The moment I looked at the test and saw a second pink line I gasped. My hand flew up to my mouth and I just started at my reflection in the mirror for a while in total shock. Staring at myself staring back at me in shock, my first thought was, “that bitch is fucking pregnant!”

In hindsight, I realized that I was happy. Immediately happy.

So weird.

I never thought that “happy” would be my reaction. I always thought I’d be immediately terrified. I mean, this was the Big Thing I’ve Been Avoiding since my very first period. And it’s happening. How was I so… joyful? I’ll take that as a good sign, I guess.

But also as I sign that I’m now OVER trying to get pregnant. I could relax about whether or not I’d have to get IVF and get injections forever and add another stress onto all the stresses. Instead, at the least, I know that my husband and my parts work together just fine.

And then I got nervous that it was wrong.

I wanted to be sure before I told my husband. So I took a second, different, pregnancy test. And this one said “PREGNANT.”

Yup, I'm pregnant

So there ya go. I’m fucking pregnant. Holy shit. I’m that girl that said she never wanted to have kids, and now I’m getting all teary-eyed over a positive pregnancy test.

Once again, I say… weird.

So… now what? How do you pregnant?


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