From child-free to freaking out

On fertility and learning to be patient

June 27, 2018

On fertility and learning to be patient


I’ve been MIA from this blog because not much has been happening. I was basically in a fertility holding pattern. I was hoping, maybe even expecting, that my uterus would go back to its normal patterns after the miscarriage, but my cycle is taking longer than normal.

Starting around the time my ovulation normally occurs, I started peeing on an ovulation test and checking my undies every freaking day, just waiting for some signs that I’d be ovulating again. But it wasn’t happening. And I was getting super frustrated.

I started doing things like googling, “how to ovulate sooner” and “ways to be more fertile.” But all that Googling really showed me that what it comes down to is this:

Just learn to be patient, bitch!

Thankfully, over this time, I have at least been in a much better place than I was previously. My miscarriage grief is less debilitating, and all physical pain is gone.

Pregnancy yoga card by Etsy seller SophReyIllustration

I’m also back to working out hard. In fact I took a yoga class where the teacher decided to randomly read something about being patient at the end of class, and I started crying. I wish I could remember what it was. But clearly it was something I needed to hear.

So I started to set my intention, during every yoga class, to be more patient. I started focusing on loving my body more as is (fertile or not) and treating it better. I started drinking more water, and making sure to work out every day — no excuses.

And eventually, over time, I peed on a stick, and got a happy face!

I was going to be ovulating sometime around our one year wedding anniversary! So that was an exciting idea.

It’s been a five days since that first ovulation smiley face, and there’s a chance that I could be pregnant right now. But there’s also a good chance that I’m not.

And then my “learning to be patient” training kicks in again…

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