I started my miscarriage self care DURING my miscarriage. Fortunately I had an abortion a million years ago, so I knew what was normal for my body while miscarrying. I knew to buckle up and ride it out with a few of my self-care essentials.
If you’ve Googled this topic and ended up here, first let me say, I’M SUPER SORRY. THIS SUCKS ASS. But here’s what helped me suffer through it all in NO order of importance, and some may even make you laugh through your horrific pain…
I sent my husband out for two things right away: Maxi pads and Twizzlers. Then I mowed through an entire bag of Twizzlers during and after my miscarriage. They are my favorite candy. They taste like happy. And if one can’t eat an ENTIRE BAG OF CANDY in this situation, when can one?
2. Hot water bottle
If you’re lucky, you’ll have two — one for the front, one for the back. Maybe yours even has a cute little sweater? Oh, and here’s a tip in case you don’t have a tea kettle, an instant hot tap, nor time or ability to stand at the stove and wait for water to fucking boil… I used my coffee maker. I just ran the water through it without any coffee grinds and BOOM! Hot water. I’m super happy by pain-addled brain was able to come up with that.
3. Hugh Grant
I don’t know why, but the Shitty Cable Movie Gods were with me the weekend I miscarried, and they were playing a marathon of ridiculous Hugh Grant movies. I highly recommend Micky Blue Eyes. Nothing can make you “forget about it” (even for just a second!) like this truly dumb ass shit…
4. Pain pills — the good shit
The doctor I spoke to on the phone, once I realized I was probably miscarrying, told me that “just in case it wasn’t a miscarriage, take Tylenol.” Mid-way through hour four of intense cramping that I took Hugh Grant’s advice and said “foged aboud id” and took a fucking Valium. I thanked my husband profusely for having had dental surgery last year as my pain started decreasing to slightly more tolerable levels.
Hopefully the pain meds will have the side effect of making you drowsy. Curl up with your hot water bottle, and your shitty movies and let yourself drift off to sleep as much as you can. There’s no fucking need to be awake through it all. And at night, take a sleeping aid if you need. You need your rest after endlessly looping on the “what did I do wrong?” thought rollercoaster.
6. Talk to friends
I was so glad that I had been telling people about my pregnancy early. Getting their text messages full of love and support and jokes helped me feel like myself again. Even though I felt a huge loss of something that was a part of me, I felt healed by people who didn’t have to live inside of me to be a part of me. And if you have friends who have had miscarriages before, make sure to reach out and ask them what THEY did for self-care.
7. Sushi and alcohol
As soon as I could, I went out for sushi and alcohol. A stiff drink and some mercury-rich fish reminded me of all the good things I could enjoy again.
8. Be patient with yourself
The acceptance and the grief will come in waves. And that’s normal and okay. Enjoy the moments where you aren’t in pain, both physically and mentally. And allow yourself to cry and feel sad AF in your dark moments. And in those times, repeat steps 1-8 as often as you need to get through this fucked up time.
What were your most important miscarriage self care steps?