From child-free to freaking out

Is it possible to NOT celebrate Mother’s Day as a mother?

May 13, 2018

Is it possible to NOT celebrate Mother’s Day as a mother?


Today is Mother’s Day. It’s the first Mother’s Day of my 35+ years of life where I’m technically a mother. And that technicality is about the size of a chia seed and it’s implanted in my uterus. And if we’re getting really technical, I don’t even think it’s an embryo yet. I’m May B, Mother of Zygotes, breaker of wind.

My husband woke up this morning, wished me a “Happy Mother’s Day,” and it got me thinking…

As I felt the pressure of having to remember that fucking Mother’s Day was coming up, and as I sweated over picking the right cards that they’ll both ultimately go “aw” too, and then throw away (or, in the case of my mom, feel like it wasn’t enough) it lead me to think about how much I hate Mother’s Day. More so I hate the pressure of manufactured holidays that force you to do and buy things for certain people.

The fact that I’ve managed to get rid of Valentine’s Day entirely made me wonder if I could get rid of Mother’s Day too. Hmmmm…

Mother’s Day card with 8 pages of illustrations about motherhood showing the dream vs. the reality

Can I not celebrate Mother’s Day for myself?

Unlike birthdays, where I feel like it’s the perfect excuse to celebrate the hell out of an individual, days like Mother’s day, Father’s day, and Valentine’s Day, have always made me feel icky. It’s feels like the love expressions are always forced BECAUSE THEY ARE! And I would hate to make the people I love the most stress out about a dumb holiday that forces them to tell me they love me.

But will I actually want to skip Mother’s Day?

When this zygote becomes an actual human child, will I become an actual human mother who delights in this manufactured holiday? Will I be disappointed if I don’t get a cheesy store-bought card and be taken to a crowded brunch spot? Will I actually get some enjoyment out of the holiday because I will be *gulp* a real MOM?

Maybe there’s a way to do both?

For now, as a mother of zygotes, I’m thinking that I want to implement a “no Mother’s Day rule” and say, instead: Pick a day at random to buy me a card that says I love you, or take me out to dinner, or make me breakfast in bed, just because YOU TRULY FEEL LIKE IT. Like a Parks and Rec Treat Yo Self day!

That would be a lot more fun and a lot more memorable than the day when everyone else is forced to love someone. Or forced to feel shitty that they have no one to force love upon.

In related news:

I wanted to surprise our moms with the news about Chiaseed on Mother’s Day. But my husband didn’t feel right about it, citing that it is a bit too early. I would hate to, in the end, have given our moms the gift of a dead future grandchild! So we’ll wait. Although, fuck that would have been perfect.

Has anyone else out there managed to not celebrate Mother’s Day successfully? How did you pull that off?

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