From child-free to freaking out

Tag: anxiety

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

Gender disappointment is A Thing, and I have it. In my research, I’ve noticed that most posts start off with apologies from the writer for having these feelings. But fuck that. I’m not apologizing for something that’s a normal part of people’s pregnancy journeys. I […]

Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

I was being driven to one of my first ultrasound appointments by my husband, and I flipped down the sun shade mirror to try to scratch of a patch of dry skin on my face when I was struck by my reflection. Who is that […]

Turn out, you CAN be “half pregnant”

Turn out, you CAN be “half pregnant”

My dad has a saying, (which he stole from his dad) that goes (and imagine this being said in a Southern drawl by a disapproving white man): “You can’t be half pregnant.”

I grew up understanding that idiom meant, something either IS or ISN’T, there was no in between. And yet, now I disagree with that statement entirely. You CAN be half pregnant…

I made it to week 7 of pregnancy!

I never got here last time. Now I know that my zygote is now an embryo, and it’s the size of a small raspberry, or a small dice, or a Brookesia Micra Chameleon, which is a little bit bigger than a match head, and WAY cuter than my embryo at the moment.

This little guy is SO MUCH cuter than this terrifying thing inside of me.

Therefor, in a couple of days I will have my first doctors visit, and one of two things will happen:

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Let’s talk about getting pregnant after a miscarriage

Let’s talk about getting pregnant after a miscarriage

Now that I’m no longer bleeding after my miscarriage, and I’m starting to feel less wildly emotional, I’m realizing that my cycle is probably returning to normal. Another way I’m feeling my systems slowly coming back online is that getting horny again — which was […]

WTF is happening to me!?: Looking for the best ways to learn about pregnancy

WTF is happening to me!?: Looking for the best ways to learn about pregnancy

There’s two things you should know about me: I’ve been child free ever since I realized that was a thing. Also I’m pregnant. Which means I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT PREGNANCY! I’ve never paid attention to all-things-baby-having with any level of detail other than, it looks […]

All of a sudden I don’t feel like I’m pregnant anymore

All of a sudden I don’t feel like I’m pregnant anymore

It’s 5 weeks into my pregnancy, and I don’t feel like I’m pregnant.

I’m not getting nauseous anymore. I stopped feeling any of those twinges in my abdomen that I was getting all the time. While I still get fatigued and a little dizzy, that can easily be explained away by low blood sugar.

So I took ANOTHER pregnancy test.

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First trimester pregnancy is the worst fart joke EVER

First trimester pregnancy is the worst fart joke EVER

It’s only been five weeks and the farting during pregnancy is out of control. It’s both humiliating and scary at times. And SO SMELLY! Omg, so smelly. I silently farted in the car with my husband the other day — like I ALWAYS do and […]

How I’m learning to chill out and stop thinking about miscarriage

How I’m learning to chill out and stop thinking about miscarriage

Sigh. Is there ever a moment in pregnancy where you stop feeling stressed out and can actually enjoy it? I went immediately from stressing out over whether or not I was going to be able to get pregnant, to stressing over losing this pregnancy the […]

I can see why actively trying to get pregnant can drive women actively insane

I can see why actively trying to get pregnant can drive women actively insane

I told my husband that when I take a pregnancy test and find out I’m pregnant, I won’t be surprised. And if I’m not pregnant, I’ll be really confused. The question is: Will I also be disappointed if I’m not pregnant?

It’s been almost a month of trying, and my body’s been acting super weird.

I took one ovulation test and it came up negative. Then the next day I took another and I got the flashy happy face, which means ovulation is soon. Then it flashed happy for 7 days straight. But I never got the egg white discharge that I usually get when I’m ovulating. And I never got the solid happy face that told me I’m ovulating.

So maybe that means I haven’t ovulated yet? Just googled and I guess it’s normal to not ovulate one month. I wouldn’t put it past my body to be shy when I’m stressed out. Or maybe a super-ambitious sperm got my egg within seconds of the egg appearing? Is that a thing?

Only… in the last week I’ve had super sore breasts, I noticed my nipples looked puffy and different yesterday. I’ve been peeing a lot more. I’m a lot hungrier that normal. And I’m ridiculously exhausted for seemingly no reason. But then again… all of that could be explained by getting my period in the next few days (which I’m scheduled to do).

I can see why this actively trying phase can drive some women actively insane.

Maybe I’ll be disappointed because trying has been so stressful for me. I’m over thinking my own body functions so much that I’m driving myself crazy.

After a recent therapy session I decided to have a conversation with myself… (more…)

I never wanted to be a mom: From child-free to freaked out

I never wanted to be a mom: From child-free to freaked out

Did you know that some — maybe most — little girls don’t know that becoming a mom is choice? We’re given baby dolls as kids to hold, rock, breast feed(?), and care for at very young ages. And constantly told things like “WHEN you’re a […]