From child-free to freaking out

Tag: anxiety

How I’m learning to chill out and stop thinking about miscarriage

How I’m learning to chill out and stop thinking about miscarriage

Sigh. Is there ever a moment in pregnancy where you stop feeling stressed out and can actually enjoy it? I went immediately from stressing out over whether or not I was going to be able to get pregnant, to stressing over losing this pregnancy the […]

I can see why actively trying to get pregnant can drive women actively insane

I can see why actively trying to get pregnant can drive women actively insane

I told my husband that when I take a pregnancy test and find out I’m pregnant, I won’t be surprised. And if I’m not pregnant, I’ll be really confused. The question is: Will I also be disappointed if I’m not pregnant? It’s been almost a […]

I never wanted to be a mom: From child-free to freaked out

I never wanted to be a mom: From child-free to freaked out

Did you know that some — maybe most — little girls don’t know that becoming a mom is choice?

We’re given baby dolls as kids to hold, rock, breast feed(?), and care for at very young ages. And constantly told things like “WHEN you’re a mom…” That’s why, even thought I never wanted to be a mom, for a long time but I 100% thought that I would eventually become one. I assumed that being a mom was something that just happened to you without your consent — like getting your period, or dying. But it turned out that becoming a mom is something we can chose to either pursue or maybe terminate — either way, I was relieved that motherhood turned out not to be mandatory.

I can’t remember the day that I actually realized that. But I can remember how hard it hit me. It was a mind fuck. Like solving a difficult math equation (also something I’ve never been interested in doing).

It was so freeing. Because I really didn’t like the idea of another human inhabiting my body and then bursting forth from it like so much puss from an infected wound (although more painful and somehow more gross). (more…)