Remember when I was all “Boo hoo, I don’t feel like shit anymore. What’s wrong with me?” Don’t worry, guys, it’s now the 6th week of pregnancy, and I feel like shit again! Like, more like shit than ever!
So much like shit that I showed up for lunch with a friend and immediately told him that I’m pregnant. I didn’t want to just barf all over the table and not give him really good excuse for that behavior. Also my brain was so foggy that I couldn’t even get it up for a good lie. I just didn’t give enough fucks to bullshit.
By week 6 of pregnancy I have now told over a dozen people.
Most of them are my closest friends. (Although 2 out of the 10 just guessed — it IS a bit strange to see me not drinking at a party — and I was so caught off guard that the look on my face gave it away.) And I’d be telling more only my husband, on the other hand, has just told 2: His sister and (by-proxy) brother-in-law.
So clearly we’re on two different sides of the “when to tell people you’re pregnant” school of thought.
Here’s why I’m on the “tell people you’re pregnant early” side:
- It’s fucking happening, and it’s affecting EVERY PART of my life and my body.
- I have a bad poker face. (See aforementioned party experience.) If I’m tired, I look like hell. If I’m bored, I can’t control the eye rolls. If I’m happy, I smile like a goon.
- I need support. I’m scared and I’m worried and I need help from friends during this time of transition.
- Fuck hiding miscarriages. This one is the most important to me, and something I’ve always strongly believed in, even back when I was child-free…
Miscarriage is nothing to hide!
I can’t scream this from the rooftops enough: Miscarrying is not something that should be hidden away (unless you want it to be, of course). It’s a very normal part of the pregnancy process. It happens to so many women all the time. And fuck the idea that it’s something that should be hidden from polite society. It’s not a thing of shame. It’s a thing of great pain that can only be helped by processing it — hopefully with the people who love you. I know so many women that have had miscarriages (multiples even) and every one of them has been bravely open about them. They’ve inspired me to be brave myself.
So when my husband says, “what if we lose it?” My answer is: Then we’ll tell people I had a miscarriage. And we’ll both have a community for support and be yet another person talking openly about miscarriage.
[Spoiler alert: It happened. And I don’t regret telling people.]
But we all have our level of comfort when it comes to pregnancy announcements.
I accept that my husband is not ready to tell his people yet, as he’s accepted that I could likely tell the next person I meet. And we’re both in agreement about when to tell our parents. If we go to the doctor for the first time (so soon!), and the doc tells us that all looks well, we tell our parents.
And then all hell will break loose. But that’s a post for another day…
When did you tell people you’re pregnant?