From child-free to freaking out

Welcome to Actively Trying

Welcome to Actively Trying

This is what happens when a child-free woman in her late thirties decides to have a child...

Recent Posts

Being pregnant when you don’t like kids is like taking up a hobby you have no interest in

Being pregnant when you don’t like kids is like taking up a hobby you have no interest in

I’m a little more than halfway through my pregnancy, and along with learning that everything is normal and also a reason to panic, I’m learning that people LOVE to talk to pregnant women about babies and kids. Here’s the thing: I don’t like babies and […]

Pregnancy: It’s all perfectly normal and probably a reason to panic

Pregnancy: It’s all perfectly normal and probably a reason to panic

If there’s one thing I’m learning about pregnancy is this: It’s ALL perfectly normal and, at the same time, probably a reason to panic. Cramping? Perfectly normal. Until it’s not. Spotting? Perfectly normal. Until it’s leads to heavy bleeding. Can’t hear a heartbeat? That happens […]

The awesome and unique baby names I have loved

The awesome and unique baby names I have loved

Good news time: We decided on a name! But, for the sake of anonymity, I’m going to continue using the nickname I gave her — “Iggy.”

While Iggy’s real first name wasn’t my initial choice, it eventually became the obvious and only choice. And I’m very excited about it. And, in honor of finally naming our baby girl, I thought I’d share with you some of the other unique baby names that I found in my long and lengthy search.

 

Although, she’ll definitely still be rocking this Game of Thrones onesie!

Like my literary-themed names, some of these are gender-neutral, most of them leaned towards girl names, a lot of them are Gaelic, and have water themes. But they’re all awesome and unique, and if you’re still on your baby name search, maybe these will inspire… (more…)

I feel violated by “The Quickening”

I feel violated by “The Quickening”

I’m halfway through my pregnancy. So much has happened and I truly thought I’d be writing more about it than I am. But… when I go to write, all that comes out is negativity and fear. And those really aren’t the mental spaces I want […]

Avoiding the Baby Crap Tsunami: Is it possible to have a minimalist baby?

Avoiding the Baby Crap Tsunami: Is it possible to have a minimalist baby?

The other day I went to Target to pick up some home essentials. I had some time to kill, so I wandered into the kid’s section. You know… just to see what I’m actively trying to get myself into. I took one look at just […]

Unique literary baby names for bibliophiles and writers

Unique literary baby names for bibliophiles and writers

I’m a writer. My husband is a writer. And we’re both voracious readers. I’m guessing there’s a good chance that our little unborn one will at least have a passion for the written word. So I went very literary with my naming quest.

And I don’t mean “names from literature,” I mean literary baby names that allude to what literature IS. Names that come from forms of poetry, from storytellers, from the sound of words themselves, or styles of writing.

For example, I love the names Story, Fable, and Lyric. But those are definitely gaining a lot of popularity. And I’m sure they’ve all already come up on your name search. But what about truly unique literary baby names? Look no further my friends. I’ve done some DEEP internet diving for names that aren’t just “inspired by books” but names that have deep connection to the love and mastery of words… (more…)

“The Burrito” and other temporary baby nicknames

“The Burrito” and other temporary baby nicknames

Our first baby got the nickname “Chippie” after I told my husband that it was the size of a chocolate chip. It’s also the biggest it ever grew, because I miscarried shortly after it got it’s nickname. The second time I got pregnant (this current […]

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

Gender disappointment is A Thing, and I have it. In my research, I’ve noticed that most posts start off with apologies from the writer for having these feelings. But fuck that. I’m not apologizing for something that’s a normal part of people’s pregnancy journeys. I […]

I’m not “jump up and down and squeal” excited about being pregnant

I’m not “jump up and down and squeal” excited about being pregnant

Right now I can’t wait to tell people that I’m pregnant. But I’m also really enjoying the fact that only a few people know.

I’m stuck between wanting to tell everyone and no one, because I know that when the greater public finds out, they’re going to do that thing where they get all excited and squeal and maybe jump up and down and say “OMG congratulations!” and talk about how excited they are. Or maybe they’ll ask me how excited I am. And the answer to that is, “I’m kind of excited… but mostly scared… and ambivalent… I just have lots of feelings.”

It’s not like I reached a life-long dream.

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Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

I was being driven to one of my first ultrasound appointments by my husband, and I flipped down the sun shade mirror to try to scratch of a patch of dry skin on my face when I was struck by my reflection. Who is that […]