From child-free to freaking out

Welcome to Actively Trying

Welcome to Actively Trying

This is what happens when a child-free woman in her late thirties decides to have a child...

Recent Posts

Pregnancy: It’s all perfectly normal and probably a reason to panic

Pregnancy: It’s all perfectly normal and probably a reason to panic

If there’s one thing I’m learning about pregnancy is this: It’s ALL perfectly normal and, at the same time, probably a reason to panic. Cramping? Perfectly normal. Until it’s not. Spotting? Perfectly normal. Until it’s leads to heavy bleeding. Can’t hear a heartbeat? That happens […]

The awesome and unique baby names I have loved

The awesome and unique baby names I have loved

Good news time: We decided on a name! But, for the sake of anonymity, I’m going to continue using the nickname I gave her — “Iggy.” While Iggy’s real first name wasn’t my initial choice, it eventually became the obvious and only choice. And I’m […]

I feel violated by “The Quickening”

I feel violated by “The Quickening”

I’m halfway through my pregnancy. So much has happened and I truly thought I’d be writing more about it than I am. But… when I go to write, all that comes out is negativity and fear. And those really aren’t the mental spaces I want to give all my time to. Therefor… the lack of writing.

I especially didn’t want to write about this particular experience, because it’s the most negative of negatives, as it deals with sexual assault. (Stop reading now, if you may be triggered by such things.)

But… it just came out of me. And I thought I’d publish it anyway, since maybe someone else out there is going through the same thing, and wondering why…

(more…)

Avoiding the Baby Crap Tsunami: Is it possible to have a minimalist baby?

Avoiding the Baby Crap Tsunami: Is it possible to have a minimalist baby?

The other day I went to Target to pick up some home essentials. I had some time to kill, so I wandered into the kid’s section. You know… just to see what I’m actively trying to get myself into. I took one look at just […]

Unique literary baby names for bibliophiles and writers

Unique literary baby names for bibliophiles and writers

I’m a writer. My husband is a writer. And we’re both voracious readers. I’m guessing there’s a good chance that our little unborn one will at least have a passion for the written word. So I went very literary with my naming quest. And I […]

“The Burrito” and other temporary baby nicknames

“The Burrito” and other temporary baby nicknames

Our first baby got the nickname “Chippie” after I told my husband that it was the size of a chocolate chip. It’s also the biggest it ever grew, because I miscarried shortly after it got it’s nickname.

The second time I got pregnant (this current time) we refrained from nicknames for a long time. We kept shit really clinical. “The embryo is a size of a chocolate chip.”

But at around 10 weeks, after sharing this burrito-forward hospital review with my husband… (more…)

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

Gender disappointment is A Thing, and I have it. In my research, I’ve noticed that most posts start off with apologies from the writer for having these feelings. But fuck that. I’m not apologizing for something that’s a normal part of people’s pregnancy journeys. I […]

I’m not “jump up and down and squeal” excited about being pregnant

I’m not “jump up and down and squeal” excited about being pregnant

Right now I can’t wait to tell people that I’m pregnant. But I’m also really enjoying the fact that only a few people know. I’m stuck between wanting to tell everyone and no one, because I know that when the greater public finds out, they’re […]

Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

I was being driven to one of my first ultrasound appointments by my husband, and I flipped down the sun shade mirror to try to scratch of a patch of dry skin on my face when I was struck by my reflection.

Who is that girl?

That girl who is 37 but kinda looks but mostly feels SO MUCH younger is pregnant. That girl? That clueless girl who is still trying to figure out her own life is about to bring another life into this world. And then be in charge of that life? That girl who still goes into fits of rage about her own mother is going to be someone’s mother? Is that really me? How is that possible?

That wasn’t the first time that’s happened. There have been several times that I’ve felt my blood go cold and have thought… (more…)

Our first (non-depressing) visit to the OBGYN!

Our first (non-depressing) visit to the OBGYN!

We went to see the OBGYN for the first time this week and we got to actually see and hear the baby! He said it was a very healthy looking baby and the heartbeat was very strong. I’m no longer half pregnant. I officially have […]