From child-free to freaking out

Welcome to Actively Trying

Welcome to Actively Trying

This is what happens when a child-free woman in her late thirties decides to have a child...

Recent Posts

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

I’m having a girl it’s triggering all my shitty gender issues

Gender disappointment is A Thing, and I have it. In my research, I’ve noticed that most posts start off with apologies from the writer for having these feelings. But fuck that. I’m not apologizing for something that’s a normal part of people’s pregnancy journeys. I […]

I’m not “jump up and down and squeal” excited about being pregnant

I’m not “jump up and down and squeal” excited about being pregnant

Right now I can’t wait to tell people that I’m pregnant. But I’m also really enjoying the fact that only a few people know. I’m stuck between wanting to tell everyone and no one, because I know that when the greater public finds out, they’re […]

Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

Okay, now that I’m pregnant… What the fuck am I doing?

I was being driven to one of my first ultrasound appointments by my husband, and I flipped down the sun shade mirror to try to scratch of a patch of dry skin on my face when I was struck by my reflection.

Who is that girl?

That girl who is 37 but kinda looks but mostly feels SO MUCH younger is pregnant. That girl? That clueless girl who is still trying to figure out her own life is about to bring another life into this world. And then be in charge of that life? That girl who still goes into fits of rage about her own mother is going to be someone’s mother? Is that really me? How is that possible?

That wasn’t the first time that’s happened. There have been several times that I’ve felt my blood go cold and have thought… (more…)

Our first (non-depressing) visit to the OBGYN!

Our first (non-depressing) visit to the OBGYN!

We went to see the OBGYN for the first time this week and we got to actually see and hear the baby! He said it was a very healthy looking baby and the heartbeat was very strong. I’m no longer half pregnant. I officially have […]

Turn out, you CAN be “half pregnant”

Turn out, you CAN be “half pregnant”

My dad has a saying, (which he stole from his dad) that goes (and imagine this being said in a Southern drawl by a disapproving white man): “You can’t be half pregnant.” I grew up understanding that idiom meant, something either IS or ISN’T, there […]

Just another post about how your pregnancy won’t go as expected…

Just another post about how your pregnancy won’t go as expected…

I worked, for many years, on a website that dealt with all things family planning. Posts about pregnancy were regularly submitted by our readers, and everything I learned about birth was gleaned while editing these articles. Therefor I KNEW that “every pregnancy is different” and to “throw all your birth plans out the window.” I’ve had those two concepts drilled into my head.

I edited hundreds of articles on how pregnancy never goes the way you think it will.

So why was I surprised when that’s exactly my experience?

(more…)

Being pregnant without getting excited just feels like having a disease

Being pregnant without getting excited just feels like having a disease

I am officially four weeks pregnant. Apparently it’s the size of tomato seed and is officially an embryo now. While I’m glad that it’s sticking around, I’m still on track with the “not getting excited about being pregnant” thing. Which means, I’m not trying to […]

I’m pregnant again after a miscarriage and things are different this time

I’m pregnant again after a miscarriage and things are different this time

Once got that positive ovulation test, we fucked so much my vagina was in pain! A week later, I had a feeling I was pregnant again. I peed on a stick a little earlier than recommended (by a couple of days), just to see what […]

On fertility and learning to be patient

On fertility and learning to be patient

I’ve been MIA from this blog because not much has been happening. I was basically in a fertility holding pattern. I was hoping, maybe even expecting, that my uterus would go back to its normal patterns after the miscarriage, but my cycle is taking longer than normal.

Starting around the time my ovulation normally occurs, I started peeing on an ovulation test and checking my undies every freaking day, just waiting for some signs that I’d be ovulating again. But it wasn’t happening. And I was getting super frustrated.

I started doing things like googling, “how to ovulate sooner” and “ways to be more fertile.” But all that Googling really showed me that what it comes down to is this: (more…)

Let’s talk about getting pregnant after a miscarriage

Let’s talk about getting pregnant after a miscarriage

Now that I’m no longer bleeding after my miscarriage, and I’m starting to feel less wildly emotional, I’m realizing that my cycle is probably returning to normal. Another way I’m feeling my systems slowly coming back online is that getting horny again — which was […]